Since I can't put these in order of most importance, I'll keep them chronological. I guess that's the easiest way.
1) My Parents Divorce.
Usually, this would be a cause of much sadness in a child. I was 14 when it happened and was relieved. I wasn't stupid, I could see things weren't working. And they took it out on us. When my dad finally told us our mom was leaving for good he broke down and cried. So did my sisters. I on the other hand sat stone-faced. I knew it was coming and the only reason I wanted to cry was because I was happy. I was tired of all the yelling and all the anger in our house. My parents didn't love each other and even at my young age, I could tell. In all the years they were married, I can't remember seeing them kiss. Holding hands and touching was forced. I wouldn't be surprised if they only did have sex three times, each resulting in the conceiving of a child.
As much as this event made me happy, it quickly turned things bad in our house. Because of all the anger my dad had towards my mom for leaving, he would go into 'rages'. And take that out on us. I remember him telling me and my little sister that if he killed himself, it was because of us. It was horrible living with him. I began to resent my mother for leaving. Not for leaving us, but for leaving us with him. My older sister really did hate my mom. Started telling my dad stories about her, saying she moved in with her boyfriend and that's why she left my dad, to be with a boyfriend. She lived in her car at the time. That's how bad she wanted to get away from him. She lived in a car in the Summer in South Carolina. But my dad believed my sister and told us that my mom was a whore and many other things that weren't true. it was a really fucked up time in my life and I still have issues because of it all.
2)A Story About a Boy and a Girl
Once upon a time, there was a girl who really liked a boy named 'J'. She flirted with 'J' every chance she got. 'J' had a best friend named 'A' who was also friends with the girl. One night, at an overnight party for Civil Air Patrol, which both 'J' and 'A' were in along with the girl, one of the younger cadets decided that playing hide and seek on their instructors 50 acre farm would be fun. Being safety minded, the oldest at the party, the girl, suggested they pair up so that if something happened while they were in the woods, there would be someone who would know about it and could get help. The girl, knowing that if she went off with 'J' she might say something stupid or do something dumb to screw up their chance of a relationship chose to hide with 'A'. 'A' took her choice as a sign and the moment they were hidden, started trying to kiss her. The girl freaked out a bit, told him to stop, which made him mad at her. He pushed her down and started pulling off her clothes. The girl was mortified because if she screamed or made any loud noises, the 'Seekers', a pair of 12 yr old boys, would know where they were and would find them, possibly seeing what was happening. Instead, she slapped at him and then kept saying his name and that she would tell if he didn't stop. Something worked and he stopped. She told him that she wouldn't tell anyone what happened as long as he stayed away from her. When they went back to the house and were asked why they were both so dirty, she told the instructor that they had tripped and fallen down one of the hills, getting dirty. She could tell that he knew better, but didn't say anything to her about it.
The story should have ended there and probably wouldn't have been such a large part of my life if it had. But it didn't. 'A' spent the next week telling all of our mutual friends, 'J' included that we had sex and that it was bad. He told everyone that we both knew that I was a slut and that i had thrown myself at him. It took his little sister asking me what happened, nearly a month later for me to tell the truth. 'A' came on to me, when I told him no, he tried to rape me and when I put a stop to that, his ego was so hurt he decided to hurt me. We both had a lot of mutual friends, so believed me, some believe him. By this time, I was dating 'J'. When I told him the truth he got mad, threatened his friend, then they did that 'buddy-buddy' thing and made up weeks later. I on the other hand had a really hard time with it. For years after, I had nightmares. It took me a while before I could sleep in the same bed with another guy without waking up screaming. I also felt guilty for not telling anyone when it happened. About a year later, 'A' did something similar to another girl and again, people believed what he said. I still feel guilty about it and I still have nightmares about it. I think in a large part, it was the betrayal by a supposed friend that hurt the most. If it had been a stranger, I would have probably been able to handle it better.
3) Joining The Navy
I'm not going to lie, I cried when I took the oath. It was a huge thing to me. I had signed the paperwork when I was 17 and needed my dad's permission. He asked me "What are you going to do if I say no?" His girlfriend looked at him and said "She'll do it when she's 18 and hate you for the rest of her life all because you wanted her to wait 3 months". Which was right.
The Navy was the first thing in my life I did that made since. I had wanted to be in the military for as long as I could have dreams to be an adult. I loved the Navy. I felt like I belonged and what I was doing was for the greater good. The military is a family. Imagine having over 100 thousand brothers and sisters, all who would risk their lives to save you. It was the family I was missing in my life.
I cried when I realized I would be getting out as well. Nick was in and I didn't want my kids to have parents constantly leaving. If I stayed in as well, Nick and I would be on alternating sea to shore rotations, one of us leaving every year or so for six months at a time. I didn't want to do that to my kids. So I got out.
4) Having Kids.
Yep, it's true, 'Having a Baby changes everything'. I never really wanted kids. But not wanting them doesn't keep you from getting pregnant. Now that I have them, I wouldn't give them back (well, except during the temper-tantrums. Ask me then and my answer might change) I've never been a party person, so having kids didn't change my social life that much. But it has changed just about every other part of my life. I realize it's not all about me anymore, my life is about my kids and their needs before it's about mine. I also enjoy watching them change and grow. This is an ongoing thing, which provides loads of entertainment.
5) To be written later
I'm only 26. While many things have happened in my life already, there have only been four that I would consider 'defining'. I could use my #5 for 'getting married' but I don't see my husband as a definition of me, more like an extension of me.
I think I'll save this one for when my kids get married or go off to college.
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6 comments:
I love learning more about you, thanks for sharing.
I had no idea your childhood was so difficult. Nice job stopping that cycle with your own family!
I understand #1 all too well.
I understand #2 all to well, too. When a friend can do that to you, it's devastating.
It can be difficult to share those kind of things. Thank you for letting us see a part of you.
You are very wise to know the difference between "defining moments" and interesting or important ones. I am sure there will be more "defining moments" as you get older.
So much insight into what makes up Noods... Thanks for sharing and for being so direct about your experiences. You are a strong girl...but then again...I already knew that about you.
great stuff life. i knew from you about #2 already but reading it this way hit me differently. i'm sorry you still suffer from it but you are an incredibly strong person.
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